I’m compelled to share a moment that I wish every parent could experience. I’d say all parents do, but in this day and age with so many parents missing from their children’s lives...it wouldn’t be correct.
This morning at 5:00am, just after my wife struggled through getting some food to our newborns, I found myself 1-on-1 with my 2 day old daughter. Wow, even writing the word daughter is still surreal. Anyway, she was awake and I was holding her facing me. I looked at this little person that came out of my wife’s uterus and thought to myself, “Is this really happening? Are you real girl?”
In the following few moments as her gentle weeping tapered off, I fell into a different kind of love. It took all of about 20 seconds, but more happened in that 20 seconds than I could have cultivated in my own heart if I had a lifetime to do so. The Lord my God is amazing. He is ever faithful and good.
I am the type of person that has great big dreams and envisions accomplishing them. While this is true, lots of my ideas end up spiraling around in limbo for way too long because thus far I have not found the courage to act in faith with a mentality of managing the risk involved. Today, just 2 days after my girls were born, I feel lighter than ever before. If bringing these girls into this world was my only purpose, my life was worth something special enough. For the first time ever, I feel completely content doing something…being a father. Go figure.
Then, because I’m convinced that God is a show-off, He gifted me with another moment like this one with my other daughter (also 2 days old) - my wife had twins. All the same emotions and statements apply. My heart was stretched toward infinity twice in one day. I’m awestruck, and do not have the words to give tribute to how awesome God must be; evidenced to me in the reality of my girls.
Because of this experience, I'm led to revisit what it means when God makes the claim to be "Our Father, who is in Heaven." Becoming a father the way that I did means a great deal to me. (What I mean is, God allowing me to become a father that is awestruck and grateful of the amazing miracle that these 2 children are.) When I heard their first breath, a flood of emotion and joy started scrambling around in my heart to overflow. It was their cries that did it. I couldn't see them right away when they were born (c-section), so I heard them first. It's just as much a miracle either way -- and I didn't feel slighted one bit the way it happened for me.
When I think about this in terms of God, I'm a bit taken back. It took me all of about .025 seconds to realize that there was no way out of this one...I was going to love these 2 girls no matter what. Over the next few days, it hit me. Because I experienced that as a father; my heart was stretched to allow me to understand more fully the extent to which God would go for me. Let's face it, since my girls have shown up on the scene, they have slept, ate, and gone to the bathroom lots. Other than this, there is the occasional (actually quite frequent) flailing of their arms and legs...which they can't control yet. Oh yeah, and a bunch of wimpering and crying -- can't forget that. Are you seeing the picture? Do you get the parallel?
Nothing my girls do earns my love. Maybe again, I sound like a broken record. I feel like I've written this message up on this blog every time. There must be something to it. I love them simply because they are. God loves me like I love them. He loves me simply because I am, and He chooses to love me, believe in me, hope for me, and be a faithful Father. Now get this part, because it's the difficult part. The way God loves me, is way beyond anything I can feel for my girls. God gives me a glimpse of His love for me by allowing me to be father to these precious children. See, parts of me died the day (and days following) my children were born. Parts of me were uprooted and newly cultivated that otherwise would have gone untouched. There is only one who can do that kind of work in us and spare our lives as we know it; The Holy Spirit.
When Jesus died for our sins, part of God's heart was uprooted as well. God didn't change exactly, but how he was represented to us did. When Jesus died, He was able to send the Holy Spirit to be with us. Now, instead of God being only "Our Father, who is in Heaven" He became "God with us."
So what's the point? The point is lots of people say, "If God loved me he'd do _____" or "God couldn't love someone like me." My girls can't choose whether I love them or not. That decision is up to me. If you have children, your children can't choose whether you love them or not, it's your decision to make. Children can screw up all they want to, lash out in hate, embarrass you, and hurt you in ways that no-one else is equipped to touch. The decision of whether a parent loves them is still the parent's to make. I cannot tell you that you can't love your children anymore. It just can't happen. I'm trying to make a claim that is not mine to make. God chose to love you like you love your children. Way MORE than you love your own children; but the love is the same type. You cannot decide that God doesn't love you or cannot love you any more than I can decide that you no longer love your children. Whether God loves you or not isn't really up to you, it is up to God.
What is up to you is your response to that love. How will you respond with the knowledge that the God of the universe loves you MORE than you can imagine?
