Blurring Ideals

I'm 31. Some of my friends say that we're young adults. I guess that is partially true. Though, since having kids 7 months ago, I feel like I am traveling light speed toward old age - and they are only 7 months. I still have yet to go through the famed terrible 2's, kids not wanting to share anything, fighting, and being challenged every day by the general responsibility of parenting. Things do change though as you move on in life. Kids, marriage, graduating from high school, getting a job and entering the workforce, kids moving out, kids starting school, kids going to college; all of these things propel us into different seasons of our lives.

Sorry, I digress.
I'm 31. I'm not exactly old though either. If a 10, 12, or 15 year old were to meet me, I'm sure they would think that I am old. The younger someone is the older they believe other people to be that are older than them. It's quite an amazing thing to observe. I used to think it as a teenager. I thought my life would be over if I ever hit 30, and I thought to myself, "I have xx amount of years left until I'm 30 - time to accomplish anything!" Here I am, 31. I've been part of some amazing accomplishments and experiences. Hurricane Relief in the aftermath of Katrina and Gustav, Honduras to build homes, leader of multiple bible study small groups, men's groups, and a kids church. Through these groups, I had the privilege to meet men and women who had gone before me. Men who already had children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Catching a glimpse of the wealth of experience offered these men from the trials and joys of life, I find myself in a moment that seems fitting to reflect on my own life. To look objectively, and yet then to turn again and look at my life through the eyes of my heart.

Whew...again I digress.
31. It's not old age, but it's not exactly young anymore. I have enough experience to scare me into living comfortably, but not enough that I have quite given up risking it all to see dreams come true. I believe a large part of "American Culture" people have dreams. This is a luxury that we take for granted. I can't help but to think of the people in Haiti who, in the aftermath of a terrible earthquake, are fighting to scrape the pieces of their lives back together. What of their dreams? What were they like to begin with? I don't know much, but I'm pretty sure that there are less freedoms available in Haiti than in the United States. And, that's without an earthquake taking down 98% of your lifestyle. Self perception and your world view greatly shape the size and feasibility of the dreams you dream. Perhaps you don't dream. Maybe you are one of the people who decides to sneer at dreams and laugh in the face of hope. Other people dream, while you kick back, stack your chips, and live the "individualized" American Dream - - meaning the one filled with a life of greed and focused on 1 person. Self.

For many, in the last 12-16 months, the American Dream has come to a halt. Granted, not for a majority of America...but I'd say about 10-15%. This is a general ratio of people who have been directly impacted by our economic disaster. Financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually...in every way. A majority of America though, continues on as it always has - living the individualized American Dream, lulled to complacency by the fact that they can still collect a paycheck and catch the different TV shows on prime time when they expect to. Wait...my fault - I forgot we have DVR and on demand now, we don't have to be anywhere at any specific time to watch what we want. Now watching whatever we want, whenever we want, however much we want doesn't really cost us anything other than $$$. Which, ironically enough, people don't have but decide to spend anyway. Where is hope to be found? Should we look to the powers that govern us? Should we look to our families and friends? Who will be there if the economy doesn't recover? What if this crisis changes the face of America as we know it?

It is kind of like growing old. Many of us make compromises with ourselves as we grow old. The smattering of hope that once filled our hearts and shot forth from our eyes dims a bit; colored by a hint of cynicism. We begin to see that lots of people really don't care about making life better for anyone else - and a good portion of the rest have their hands tied behind political, emotional, or physical red tape that disables them from making a positive impact. Before this gets too dismal for you, let me say that I have met a great many good, well-intentioned people in my life that have done all they could to help me or someone else they know. While actions and hearts like these are vital to the life of America as we know it, I can't help but wonder whether we are slowly losing the freedom to act with such selflessness. I'd say that is probably the best case scenario.

So far, this is probably the entry that is least biblically grounded. Let's try and turn this around.


If I believe when things are good, and do not believe when things are bad...I am nothing but a weed, tossed to and fro by the "winds" of change. In this case I serve the God of convenience and provision but not the God of discipline or the God that tests me. See what I did there? I took one of the things that God has promised to be - the provider - and I have made God only that in all He is. How silly and selfish of me to believe that God is whatever I WANT Him to be. I swear it seems like I'm repeating myself constantly, but America doesn't get it. We are driven by our wants so much that we have created a daily reality for ourselves that is completely upheld by the fulfillment of those wants. The only thing we do right is work at something for a living. I'd say we take care of our families, but that has become a matter of convenience and happiness rather than a matter of the heart and of love and commitment. We have picked apart love to the extent that it is OK to leave our wives / husbands and separate from our kids, or maybe take the kids with us. We have justified the breaking down of the family because we are not happy. There is no responsibility, no integrity, and no love to a decision like that. There is a hardness of heart, an unwillingness to change, and an impudence to God. You look into the eyes of God and say, "You aren't enough." 

We're not the same mettle anymore. We have become soft in the ways of God, and are becoming more and more blind to recognizing the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. When I write, "Every breath we breathe is a gift from Him" it almost sounds commonplace; like something trite written to make children feel better about their stomach ache.

At 31, my ideals are beginning to blur. I believe in my God, and in His ability to do anything He sees fit anywhere, at anytime, with or without any of our help. All of that is subject to the infinite wisdom and discernment available to Him because of who He is. Is it a coincidence though, that as my ideals blur, so does my vision of God? What I mean is that more and more the fingerprints of the Holy Spirit on my heart seem confusing and very unclear; like I just woke up and am in some life that is foreign to me. It looks kind of like me, but I know I'm not the me I could be...and I feel helpless to change those circumstances, pray, seek, plead, receive, or anything! Most dangerously, it's getting easier to concede to "the way things are" for no good reason at all.