Blurring Ideals

I'm 31. Some of my friends say that we're young adults. I guess that is partially true. Though, since having kids 7 months ago, I feel like I am traveling light speed toward old age - and they are only 7 months. I still have yet to go through the famed terrible 2's, kids not wanting to share anything, fighting, and being challenged every day by the general responsibility of parenting. Things do change though as you move on in life. Kids, marriage, graduating from high school, getting a job and entering the workforce, kids moving out, kids starting school, kids going to college; all of these things propel us into different seasons of our lives.

Sorry, I digress.
I'm 31. I'm not exactly old though either. If a 10, 12, or 15 year old were to meet me, I'm sure they would think that I am old. The younger someone is the older they believe other people to be that are older than them. It's quite an amazing thing to observe. I used to think it as a teenager. I thought my life would be over if I ever hit 30, and I thought to myself, "I have xx amount of years left until I'm 30 - time to accomplish anything!" Here I am, 31. I've been part of some amazing accomplishments and experiences. Hurricane Relief in the aftermath of Katrina and Gustav, Honduras to build homes, leader of multiple bible study small groups, men's groups, and a kids church. Through these groups, I had the privilege to meet men and women who had gone before me. Men who already had children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Catching a glimpse of the wealth of experience offered these men from the trials and joys of life, I find myself in a moment that seems fitting to reflect on my own life. To look objectively, and yet then to turn again and look at my life through the eyes of my heart.

Whew...again I digress.
31. It's not old age, but it's not exactly young anymore. I have enough experience to scare me into living comfortably, but not enough that I have quite given up risking it all to see dreams come true. I believe a large part of "American Culture" people have dreams. This is a luxury that we take for granted. I can't help but to think of the people in Haiti who, in the aftermath of a terrible earthquake, are fighting to scrape the pieces of their lives back together. What of their dreams? What were they like to begin with? I don't know much, but I'm pretty sure that there are less freedoms available in Haiti than in the United States. And, that's without an earthquake taking down 98% of your lifestyle. Self perception and your world view greatly shape the size and feasibility of the dreams you dream. Perhaps you don't dream. Maybe you are one of the people who decides to sneer at dreams and laugh in the face of hope. Other people dream, while you kick back, stack your chips, and live the "individualized" American Dream - - meaning the one filled with a life of greed and focused on 1 person. Self.

For many, in the last 12-16 months, the American Dream has come to a halt. Granted, not for a majority of America...but I'd say about 10-15%. This is a general ratio of people who have been directly impacted by our economic disaster. Financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually...in every way. A majority of America though, continues on as it always has - living the individualized American Dream, lulled to complacency by the fact that they can still collect a paycheck and catch the different TV shows on prime time when they expect to. Wait...my fault - I forgot we have DVR and on demand now, we don't have to be anywhere at any specific time to watch what we want. Now watching whatever we want, whenever we want, however much we want doesn't really cost us anything other than $$$. Which, ironically enough, people don't have but decide to spend anyway. Where is hope to be found? Should we look to the powers that govern us? Should we look to our families and friends? Who will be there if the economy doesn't recover? What if this crisis changes the face of America as we know it?

It is kind of like growing old. Many of us make compromises with ourselves as we grow old. The smattering of hope that once filled our hearts and shot forth from our eyes dims a bit; colored by a hint of cynicism. We begin to see that lots of people really don't care about making life better for anyone else - and a good portion of the rest have their hands tied behind political, emotional, or physical red tape that disables them from making a positive impact. Before this gets too dismal for you, let me say that I have met a great many good, well-intentioned people in my life that have done all they could to help me or someone else they know. While actions and hearts like these are vital to the life of America as we know it, I can't help but wonder whether we are slowly losing the freedom to act with such selflessness. I'd say that is probably the best case scenario.

So far, this is probably the entry that is least biblically grounded. Let's try and turn this around.


If I believe when things are good, and do not believe when things are bad...I am nothing but a weed, tossed to and fro by the "winds" of change. In this case I serve the God of convenience and provision but not the God of discipline or the God that tests me. See what I did there? I took one of the things that God has promised to be - the provider - and I have made God only that in all He is. How silly and selfish of me to believe that God is whatever I WANT Him to be. I swear it seems like I'm repeating myself constantly, but America doesn't get it. We are driven by our wants so much that we have created a daily reality for ourselves that is completely upheld by the fulfillment of those wants. The only thing we do right is work at something for a living. I'd say we take care of our families, but that has become a matter of convenience and happiness rather than a matter of the heart and of love and commitment. We have picked apart love to the extent that it is OK to leave our wives / husbands and separate from our kids, or maybe take the kids with us. We have justified the breaking down of the family because we are not happy. There is no responsibility, no integrity, and no love to a decision like that. There is a hardness of heart, an unwillingness to change, and an impudence to God. You look into the eyes of God and say, "You aren't enough." 

We're not the same mettle anymore. We have become soft in the ways of God, and are becoming more and more blind to recognizing the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. When I write, "Every breath we breathe is a gift from Him" it almost sounds commonplace; like something trite written to make children feel better about their stomach ache.

At 31, my ideals are beginning to blur. I believe in my God, and in His ability to do anything He sees fit anywhere, at anytime, with or without any of our help. All of that is subject to the infinite wisdom and discernment available to Him because of who He is. Is it a coincidence though, that as my ideals blur, so does my vision of God? What I mean is that more and more the fingerprints of the Holy Spirit on my heart seem confusing and very unclear; like I just woke up and am in some life that is foreign to me. It looks kind of like me, but I know I'm not the me I could be...and I feel helpless to change those circumstances, pray, seek, plead, receive, or anything! Most dangerously, it's getting easier to concede to "the way things are" for no good reason at all.

Beware the Juggernaut (Part I)

A juggernaut is an extremely powerful force.
That's just one limited definition, but for our purposes will do quite nicely.
The particular juggernaut that I want to address is the perception of self.

Since I'm convinced that God does not waiver or change what He thinks or believes about us in any aspect, the question remains as to what forces are warring against the truths of God in our life. Obviously, "evil" is one of those forces. C.S. Lewis painted a much more complete picture than I could have in his book "The Screwtape Letters." In this book we are invited into an exchange between a lesser demon and his "mentor." Throughout the text they describe various tactics that are in play with the particular human they are trying to trip up in any way possible - but ultimately spiritually. The trick is to get the human to believe something about God that isn't true - therefore reshaping that person's perception on -- well, everything. This truth that we see so much of the world through the color of our own perception is quite the double-edged sword indeed.

The trick ironically enough, hasn't changed since the beginning. Satan still sends his demons around trying to trip up humans all the time. Same goal, unfortunately same outcome. Let me make this clear before we move onto the point: it is the same outcome a great majority of the time. As far as I can tell, Satan wins battles all over the place all the time according to what we see. As Christians, we're told that while that might be the case - Jesus won "the war" for the purposes of our analogy. Anyway, that's a topic for another day.

The focus is 3-fold and each statement is an escalation of the process:
- You are capable of believe lies about yourself.
- You are capable of lying to yourself about who you are. As your view of either yourself or God shifts, so does the advice you will consider as sound.
- You are capable of lying to yourself and others about who you are, and who God is in your eyes. By this, you have infinite capacity to deceive other people in your life to the extent that they will no longer be of help to you - even though you may wish them to be.

This downward spiral is what I mean when I say juggernaut. There are decisions that we all need to make in life. Some of those decisions destroy us, while others give us life. In general, for example, the decision to smoke cigarettes slowly destroys part of your body. Depending on your situation, it can slowly destroy your self-image, and your image in the eyes of others. Though, it could also improve your self-image, and your image in the eyes of others. Either way, it is most definitely going to slowly destroy part of your body. This would be physical evidence of destruction. In contrast, many say that laughter adds 8 seconds to your life each time. So for every time you laugh, you have bought yourself 8 seconds more of life. I don't claim that this is fact, although laughter seems to be contagious - in a good way. People are lifted up and have a better attitude if constructive laughter is going on; constructive meaning not at the expense of someone else's emotions. All that just to exemplify that - there are paths that give us life, and that take life away.

We make those decisions. And, if you are an adult, there is no-one else to blame when it comes down to the direction you choose to take in life. I am not minimizing any circumstances you had to come through to even make it to where you are now. We maintain the power to choose what we believe about ourselves, and act in accordance with that belief. The juggernaut is the trick. It is the trap that is set for all of human-kind and it always will be set for us until this earth is made new. I am not saying that we are doomed to believe those things; simply that the trap is set for us to have to choose not to believe them toward a path that gives us life, maybe even gives life to others.

Another thing you should know is that the trap is alive. The trap exists just as much for you when you are 60, as it did when you were 6. I'm 31 years old as I write this, and I can't even grasp how much I've changed over those 31 years - and I'm the one that changed! The juggernaut is still a danger to me and the stakes continually get higher and higher. I'm now a father of 2 beautiful daughters. How much of what I believe about myself will impact their lives forever? For that matter, how much of what I believe about myself has already impacted my wife, my friends, or my family?

Because the juggernaut exists for me as much now as it ever did, it has the feel of something that is pursuing me. I believe in God. I believe that Jesus finished it on the cross. I've been on missions trips and taught bible study lessons. Kneeling down 10 years ago I told Jesus that I tried everything to live life my way and I wanted to give up and let Him do what He wants with my life. I think I've said those exact words hundreds of times since then, and that's just 10 years worth. I'm saved from an eternity of hell. Why do I feel as if I'm not giving my all for Christ? There's this perpetual doubt that constantly threatens to overtake my heart and hush the cry for my Savior.

The juggernaut is catered to your individual sin-nature too. This is what makes it even more deadly. Even though you are saved from an eternity of hell because of Jesus Christ, you still fight the battle of choosing to live for Him, according to His Word / His Will etc. But, even though you are saved and choose to live for Him you are nevertheless susceptible to sin. You have sinned since being saved. God is not to blame for this fact. Something else is at work there, and I believe the juggernaut has much to do with it. It is like the eternal snare for all people who do not recognize it for what it is; and out of that, exercise the wisdom to avoid it at every season of life.

Which brings me to 1st Corinthians 10:1-13.

The sub-heading in my Bible is: Warnings from Israel's History.

(Text Formatting Added for Emphasis)

"For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers, that our forefathers were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea. They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea. They all ate the same spiritual food and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ. Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered over the desert.

Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did. Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written: "The people sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in pagan revelry." We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did—and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died. We should not test the Lord, as some of them did—and were killed by snakes. And do not grumble, as some of them did—and were killed by the destroying angel.

These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

You are able to set your heart on evil things, and the juggernaut exists to ensure that you do so. Not just evil in the way of outward evil toward others, but even more dangerous evil in the destroying of self, in the destroying of a right relationship with God. With the knowledge that this hazard exists, how do we live through it to the glory of God?

Fortunately, we have another example given us in the New Testament: Paul.

2nd Corinthians 12:1-10

(Text Formatting Added for Emphasis)

"I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— was caught up to paradise. He heard inexpressible things, things that man is not permitted to tell. I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Paul starts out making some statements that are quite bold. He speaks of someone being caught up into the third heaven as if it was normal to do so. He admittedly doesn't know the details of this experience, which speaks to that we only know in part that which God reveals. It is either that or God reveals in part on purpose. Some of both are probably true.

I want to focus on the 2nd part of this quote however, because I think it lends insight to how renewing our mind can lead to protecting us. Paul states that a messenger of Satan was given to him to be a thorn is his flesh. He also states that this happened to protect him from being conceited about the surpassingly great revelations he was having. You can even see in his writing tendencies this progression. He starts out almost proud of what he knows or what he is being given by God, and falls back to vs. 7-10 in contrast. The Lord's answer to this demon that was given to him for his protection is, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Not only does the Lord tell Paul that his grace is the answer, but He goes one step further and says that because of this weakness His power is made perfect.

You need to be able to rest in the fact that God's power is made perfect in weakness. You are the perfect vessel for God be mighty in because you have great weakness. When we try to hide weakness or strengthen ourselves for the purpose of no longer being weak, we cannot experience the power of God made perfect in us. We experience the power of self being puffed up in us. The juggernaut will always triumph over self. And, you will not realize that you have lost until it is too late.

In contrast to what we (I mean a majority of Western Culture individuals) think of as powerful people, Paul falls back into the grace of Christ. Paul knowingly has a demon tormenting him (that I would bet is somehow related to his pride issues) is in jail for Christ - yet the answer is to trust in grace. It is almost like the Lord says "Experience grace, Paul."

If that was an easy task, much would be different. It presses us to praise the Lord though. It presses us toward Him in our weakness. If we can accept our weakness, and realize that the Lord is made perfect there, we can continue to live freely.